Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
how can u be prego again
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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