i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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