sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
