I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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