So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
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If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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