She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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