At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
