He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
