my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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