Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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