You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
