All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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