Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
