He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
