When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
it's like heaven, but drunker
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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