I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
