idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
