i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
