the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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