sarcasm needs its own font
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
