don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
being pregnant is like rehab
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I need water and some morals
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
