Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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