Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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