He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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