Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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