Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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