They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
