I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
