She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
