We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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