Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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