My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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