We won't sleep together?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
