Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
