Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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