wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
