I wish I only lived at night.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Say something about gay babies.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
