We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
