I think I just saw someone hide a body.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
