If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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