Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
