they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
