Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
