There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
MIDGETS
????
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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