3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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