oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
