Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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