I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i out mim tonsoeep
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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