I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
