dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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