Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
