He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
