Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
