i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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