CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
