you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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