I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
