so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
