Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
