Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
