watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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