I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
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believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
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Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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