My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
