chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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