Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
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I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
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he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize