remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
