you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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