He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
