apparently the secret to your success is patron
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Randomize
