I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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