Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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