Soap is not a condiment
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
