TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We need to get me chipped asap
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
