while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
